Learning to Float

In between events at Robin and Greg’s wedding over the weekend, I logged in to Facebook and was surprised to see that a friend had reposted Nicol’s beautiful portrait of the late Sean Michael Sullivan. He was certainly with all of us over the past couple of weeks, as old college friends celebrated weddings in Chicago and Connecticut. In the photo he looks to be at peace, but at the same time intensely focused on the horizon. I concluded that the photo was a sign from Sean. It meant that he had willingly embraced the burden of being the first to move on, but he was patiently waiting for us on the other shore. Later, while taken a nap, Sean came to me and told me point blank I was a "dumbass." Fortunately, he set me straight.

For those of you who don’t know, Sean drowned in the Kern River while on a float trip. It was a truly random event, one that was made all the more shocking because Sean, along with many of us, already survived years of risk taking that very well could have taken him much sooner. But we had all somehow survived and we all seemed to be living a lot smarter lives, especially Sean. He was completely content with who he was and where life was taking him. Then he was gone.

Sean explained it to me this way. He is not waiting for us in the photo, he is watching. He is watching to see if we can figure out what he did about dealing with life’s challenges. “Don’t try to swim to shore it will only push it further away. Don’t try to tread water it will only make you heavier.”
“What the fuck are we supposed to do then?”
“Just float.”
I shared this with Sean’s friends at the wedding and Robin recalled what Sean had said before going to the Kern. “He said he just wanted to go float.”

None of us have any control over when it is our time to go, the best we can do is make the most of our time here. Just like Sean did. So when life gets a little too much for you to take, close your eyes, take a deep breath and float.

Thanks Sean.